Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Diary of a Scribe Day 27: Why I Hated Inception, or "Someone Owes Me $5 and My Sunday Morning Back: The Review"

Why I Hated Inception, or
Someone Owes Me $5 and My Sunday Morning Back.

by Samantha J. Goddard

**Warning: This blog is SPOILERIFIC regarding the movie Inception. If you have not seen the movie, don't read this. If you go ahead anyway, it's your own fault. You were warned.**

It seems like I'm the only person who did not like this movie.

Well, there are others, but they aren't very vocal.

I don't like Leo, as a rule, but everyone was talking about this movie, saying that it's the best movie they have EVER seen, so I HAD to see what they were talking about.

Inception was only mildly confusing. Mildly.

Like Taco Bell mild. Like Pace Picante with the green lid. It has all the components but it just isn't complex and spicy enough.

I wasn't surprised.

By any of it.

It wasn't original, like Christopther Nolan's Memento. I had seen this before. In several places.
At first, I just thought about how it was like three movies, but I have expanded my equation to 5:

Inception=The Italian Job + The Matrix+ Doctor Who, with a splash of Catch Me If You Can and Oceans 11...

Tell me I'm wrong.

In The Italian Job, there is an older gent, a mentor involved who is a veteran actor. This is Donald Sutherland. The Matrix has Laurence Fishburne("Morpheus")In Inception, it's Michael Caine. And I wasn't even surprised by him. He IS in EVERY movie ever made.

In both movies, a group of people are trying to steal something important. And there's a lot of riding around in cars. Much of the same can be said of Catch Me If You Can and Ocean's 11. And due to certain circumstances they have time limits, and only certain people can do these jobs.
Everyone could use a forger, right? But only the best. Frank(CMIYC) was a great forger, but not what these folks were looking for.

There is a set of dreams where you have to remember/figure out which is the dream and which is reality, and you have to make the choice to die so that you can live. Amy Pond and The Doctor did that this season on Doctor Who in "Amy's Choice."

And last on the list of things that I noticed immediately, without delving too deep: There is ALWAYS a woman in a basement to save(metaphorically speaking) that almost always steals the show from the lead actor(Charlize Theron outshined Marky Mark, Alex Kingston as "River Song" & Karen Gillan as "Amy Pond" ALWAYS steal the show from Matt Smith, "The Doctor." Neo needs to save Trinity, and the Models, Inc. alum Carrie Anne Moss is a WAY better actor, and so looks so much hotter in leather).

I really wanted Mos Def and Zac Efron to be in this movie. Mos Def was in The Italian Job and he was brilliant. Inception was so similar to The Italian Job that I almost expected him to come strolling in. As for Zac, I thought Cillian Murphy was too mature for this cast and that Zac Efron could have stepped into this role. The two DO look a lot a like, and Zac, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Leo all seem SO YOUNG to me, so that makes more sense.

Ok. Let me break this down.

Saito(Ken Watanabe) needs for Fischer Jr. (Cillian Murphy) to find the combination to his dad's safe and find the business papers or the will that states that Fischer's father's corporation is going to be taken apart after his death, and then to make up his mind that he wants to let this happen.

This is where Leo and his crew come in. They have methods of extracting your deepest subconscious secrets. They are the best at this, but Saito wants to come along for the journey to supervise. And they have to remember that the deeper the go the longer it seems they've been gone. In Dream Land, 5 real life minutes = 1 dream hour. When it's no longer safe, they are given a "kick" to wake them up: explosions, music, falling.

Under a planted flight attendant's watchful eye, the group doses themselves and their target, Fischer, on an airplane. Dream #1. Dream #2 happens in a hotel, if I'm remembering right. This is where Joseph Gordon-Levitt has his awesome fight scene in the rotating hallway, which is the white van....But I'm a little unclear on how they get to this van...at least I remember more about this than the GaGa concert. And that scene in the hallway WAS pretty cool.

The farthest any had been in was a third dream, and that was Cobb(Leo). He told his new architect, Ariadne(Ellen Page) not to give him any info on the layout, and not to use memories. Something he found out the hard way. (BTW, some bad guys had thrown their old architect off a building and--OMG is that Lukas Haas?

Their third dream finds them somewhere cold, right? The mountains? I was done with this movie by this point. I felt like I was in Limbo. But I KNEW that a surprise fourth dream was on its way.


The fourth dream is Cobb's. He's wrestling with old dreams involving his wife who died as a result of his Inception experimentation. She died not knowing what was real. Or did she?

Marion Cotillard was looking too mature for this movie and in fact steals it from Leo. No wonder she isn't featured in any of the promos.

In Cobb's dream, as a former architect, he had constructed his world with his wife made from their memories, something he'd told Ariadne not to do.

He just wanted to go home to his kids since his mother was gone. It appeared he'd gotten his wish.

But then you see his totem, a personal object whose weight and feel is known only to him(the collegiate version is "I've Got Mine, Where's Yours?" which we used as a gauge to find out how drunk we were). It was a metal top that had been his wife's totem. She would be able to tell the dream from reality if the top never stopped spinning.

Mmmhmm. I smell sequel. Oh, lord, do better. Don't do what The Matrix did, and get all weird into mythology and go crazy with the wire work. Just do better.

Click the blog title to check out the Inception timeline from collider.com.

Photos from theplaylist.blogspot.com, snarkerati.com, news.lalate.com, facebook.com, eoghann.com, thedrunkenmoogle.com, impossiblepodcasts.blogspot.com, cracked.com and one other website whose link is broken.

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